5 Things to never, ever order in a bar.

1. Jaegermeister- sorry part people, Jager is just lame.  I’ll admit in my frivolous youth I drank plenty of it, but that’s a pretty poor excuse. There is a reason they call it “liver glue” in parts of Germany.

2. A ‘Bahama Mama’- This just screams, “Hey! I just got off a cruise ship!” Feeling tropical? Order a Zombie or ask the bartender to make you a “proper” rum collins.

3. Never, ever, ever, ever order Hennessy. I’m not saying it’s a bad cognac (although it is); you are just setting yourself up to get tossed out by security at 1:30AM. Stop it, just because some jackass rapper thinks it’s cool doesn’t mean it is.

4. Only rookies and TGI Friday’s clients order blended drinks. If you are in the mood for an alcohol-based milkshake and hear the the irritating drone of blenders its possibility. Otherwise never.

5. LA Water- Do yourself a favor and just order a Long Island Iced Tea, it’s the same thing minus the vomiting.